6/20-6/21 Reflection

 

I am sorry

 I am sorry

People of color

I am sorry

LGBTQ+ people

I am sorry

Religious minorities

I am sorry

Women

I am sorry

I am sorry that despite the fact that your country has force-fed you the belief that this is as good as it gets, you’ve never felt wholly at home. I am sorry that “it’s a lot better than it used to be” has ever been used as an excuse or a bandaid for the pain you feel deeply. I am sorry that you’ve watched others be treated with grace while you wait under a microscope. I am sorry your feelings have been invalidated and minimized and shouted over and mansplained. 

I am sorry you have to live in contrast rather than freely. 

Despite the fact that America has given you countless reasons to think otherwise while shouting “under God, indivisible for liberty and justice for all” there are many people who love you regardless of your minority identity. They exist and there are many, and I am so sorry you haven’t met them all. There are good ones and they hurt that you feel alone and have been mistreated. They are not perfect. They don’t know what to say or how to say it. But they are good and they want it to be better.

And, no matter what other Christians may have said to you in your past or in the news, God loves you so much he mourned the loss of His only child so that he could spend eternity with you. 

2020 Refection

Where were you last year? (Physically and mentally; shallowly and deeply)

What has changed about your circumstances since?

What have you learned through the evolution of your circumstances?

What were some hard things in 2020? How have you learned from them (about yourself and the world)? How are you continuing to learn from them?

What gifts did 2020 bring? Were they all in pretty wrapping?

How are you proud of yourself? (Write this one down)

How do you want 2021 to be different? To what degree are these within your control? In what ways can you take tangible steps towards these images?

Why are you hesitant to hold ambitious images in your brain?

What do you hope your answers will be to these questions next year if you complete this exercise again?

What was the hardest question to answer?

When We Try To Read Life Like A Book

 

When we read life like a book,

We assign characters roles -

antagonists, protagonists -

create a plot diagram

find a conflict

assign a climax

discover a resolution

(if you're lucky, more than one).

Then after it's all said and done,

hopefully your life will have a theme.

And you hope that it is good.

But life isn't a book

There is no diagram.

Antagonists get grace

And sometimes they win.

Protagonists make mistakes

The conflict doesn't make sense.

Sometimes the good guy dies

and loose ends aren't tied.

When we read life like a book

"everything happens for a reason"

yet we still feel helpless

hopeless

when the ending isn't what we predicted.

Coincidences happen

and believing people call them blessings,

shouting their stories at the world.

While their broken neighbors curse the stars,

yearning for any glimpse that God 

or whoever

hasn't written them out of His plot.

When we read life like a book

We acknowledge a God,

but He's not always good.

We acknowledge a Devil,

but He's not always in second.

We give purpose to pain as if it's deserved.

We put people in boxes they don't fit inside.

Life isn't a book because it isn't linear.

It ebbs and flows without rhythm,

diving in the dark

crashing without cause,

but then we adjust.

And we love anyway.

And we fight harder

And we forgive

And we learn.

Because we weren't made for an ending.

Life's artistry isn't in an orchestration,

but in repeated manifestation.

We are given breath and a body,

then we get to create the art

free from puppet strings.

Things may happen for a reason,

but we get to create it.

Because a life isn't valued in its ending,

but in its living.

Bible Verses for Current Events

As we near the halfway point of 2020, it has become apparent that people are seeking peace seemingly more than they ever have before, whether it be peace of mind, financial peace, spiritual peace, peace as an end to violence, or peace from a vaccine or cure for COVID-19. Though we are all seeking it in very diverse ways (staying informed, unplugged, positive, obsessive, disciplined, isolated, charitable, frugal, social, or somewhere among all of those), we are all essentially yearning for the same thing - peace. In my attempt to find peace tonight, I turned to my Bible for answers. (Don’t let me fool you. I don’t do this nearly as much as I should.) After reading through, I decided I’d share them on my blog for anyone who’s feeling a little overwhelmed about where to turn for the myriad of topics blazing through your head right now. I decided to organize them into the following topics: racism/advocacy, fear, leadership, and really anything. The really anything column are verses I found that can be applied to “really anything”. I wanted to have a sickness column, but many of the verses I found for the other topics applied to fears/imagery about sickness and health as well. Let me know if you have some you think I should add, and I pray He helps you find some peace from His word tonight. Amen.

Racism/Advocacy

- Compassion on the crowds: Matthew 9:36
- “Live peaceably with all” - Romans 12:9-21
- What we owe each other: Romans 13:8
- Our identity in Christ: Galatians 3:28
- Race and Jesus summed up: Ephesians 2:14-22
- “The Good Samaritan” story: Luke 10:25

Fear

- Finding rest: Matthew 11:28-30
- Setting our minds on the Spirit: Romans 8:5-7
- Spiritual strength: Ephesians 3:14-21 (really the rest of Ephesians)
- “Fear not” is said in the Bible 365 times.

Leadership

- You as a leader: Matthew 10:5-15
- God’s chosen servant: Matthew 12:18-21
- The story of the prodigal son: Luke 15
- Daniel in the lion’s den

Really Anything

- What I call the “What It’s All About” verse: Matthew 9:9-13
- A tree is known by it’s fruit: Matthew 12:33-37
- He even loves “those people”: Romans 9:25-26
- The example of Christ: Romans 15:1

Debunking “We’re All in the Same Boat”

We aren’t all in the same boat.

Summer, spring, fall, winter. One thing hasn’t changed through this time and that’s that we arent all in the same boat.

Mothers are getting to spend workdays with children. Fathers don’t have to travel as much. Family meals get to be around a table again. We get to be more intentional with our priorities because the world around us isn’t doing it for us. It’s uncomfortable to be pushed to find your own time with God when small groups aren’t meeting and Sunday services have been cancelled. We are so far out of our comfort zone we can’t even study someone else’s as a guidebook to follow. All we have to cling to is faith. Jobs aren’t secure, money isn’t secure, routines aren’t secure. We can’t half heartedly or subconsciously go through the motions in which our identities have become so engrained. We have been forced to become intentional about every little purchase, every little outing, every little touch, every little interaction. We have been forced to be intentional friends instead of catching up while watching basketball games or whenever-you’re-free, we-should-do-this-more-often weekend trips. We’ve been forced to be intentional grandchildren because we know in the back of our minds grandma hasn’t seen anyone othe r than herself in 4 days, and that’s going to continue for an undetermined time. We feel guilt for having a more secure situation than some, but we wince in painful jealousy at the ones seemingly untouched by the unjust fingers of the pandemic.
Everyone keeps saying we’re all in the same boat, and that is totally untrue. I have thankfully been in a very fortunate position during this time as far as job security and income security is concerned, but it’s only made me wish I’d bitten my tongue when I complained about having ungrateful students or difficult meetings. It’s made me realize how much I loved my job exactly how it was, and not at all how it is now. This experience has made me realize a lot about myself because of the amount of time I’ve been able to dedicate to self reflection and growth.

This isn’t everyone’s story. This isn’t everyone’s boat. There are moms working from home with 3 kids wanting to make slime rather than complete schoolwork, and she lets them because if she doesn’t make this sale she has a better chance of facing a lay-off. While all of us are running away from the burning building, there are nurses, doctors, janitors, and first responders running into it trying to cushion the blows of the pandemic. There are grandmothers and grandfathers, uncles, and aunts living alone and more isolated than they’ve ever been before. There are women and men everywhere unemployed who can’t get anyone on the phone to receive their last stitch of hope for financial security.

There are people suffering; there are people thriving; and there are people everywhere in between. Our cards were not dealt evenly. And like I said before, in a time where everything is unsure, it only further illuminates the One who has always been truly the only secure thing we’ve had in our lives.

It’s both reassuring and completely terrifying to realize how much faith we had in the false security this world has to offer, whether it be our jobs, routines, homes, or heath. Faith in God’s promises is the one thing that can stand in a time like this. He’s the the one thing that won’t fail us.

Praying that we find peace in that truth.

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.” - Hebrews 10:23

COVID Holy Week

Everyone keeps talking about how we need to fix our eyes on Jesus during this time, especially today, and I couldn’t agree more. But there’s something I heard this past week that has clung to my heart.

The time that we are in right now closely mirrors the first Holy Week. During the week of Jesus’ crucifixion and eventual resurrection, people didn’t know who to believe or what to have faith in. The government leaders were saying one thing while the disciples were saying another, and then religious leaders even joined forces with the government. Heck, even the disciples didn’t agree. Some of them remained steadfast in their faith, but some doubted, and one blatantly betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. 

Early in the week, there was Palm Sunday. People welcomed Jesus with applause and praise. John cites that many of the people who welcomed him were there because they had heard about his miracles, including raising Lazarus from the dead. A few days later, many people started to lose faith as the Pharisees got more aggressive and Jesus warned that his death was drawing near. It became more and more aberrant to remain a believer, at least a vocal one: “many even of the authorities believed in him, but for fear of the Pharisees they did not confess it” (John 12:42).

There was so much unknown. People were petrified. Comfort zones were rocked or completely obliterated. Yet, Jesus’ promises were consistent. He told them how he was going to die, why he was going to die, why he needed to die, and what was going to happen afterwards. 

We must cling to this in our present circumstances. Jesus promises resurrection. Jesus promises he will do good to those who love him. Jesus promises a hope and future. Jesus promises salvation through faith. Jesus promises that there is a plan, and it is good.

If we look to the disciples, we can also find alignment. Even though comfort levels were shattered, personal preferences were (seemingly) ignored, and their leader was going to be publicly humiliated and crucified, they remained faithful. Something that I have learned through this simultaneous Holy Week and pandemic is that unknown does not equal unfaithful. I’ve heard myself and so many others verbalize statements like “I don’t know what’s going to happen” or even “this can’t end well”. We don’t have to lose faith just because we lose a predictable future. Remain steadfast. Verbalize your faith. We will be resurrected. It has been promised.

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