Before bed every night I spend some time reading a devotion/my Bible and I pray until I fall asleep. I maintained this habit when I moved home for the summer in May. After a few weeks home, I still felt empty. I still didn't feel close to God. I didn't feel on fire for Jesus like I usually do when I'm disciplined about spending daily time with God.
Most of you know that I am normally in a long distance relationship for 9 months out of the year. The other 3 months I live at home during summer vacation. After a few weeks at home, when I realized I still felt empty, I also felt like my relationships with my boyfriend, my friends, and my family weren't rekindled in the seamless way that I had anticipated in the previous months. It was honestly very depressing.
One night before bed I began searching my Bible for answers. In my search, I found a prayer that began with the exclamation: "Abide in me!". I then began focusing on Biblical prayers and many had phrases that closely resembled this one. This lead me to examine my own prayer life. As I read through my prayer journal, I realized how rearranged my priorities were. The thing I prayed for the most was for my relationship with Sammy, then followed my relationships with my friends and family. Only sporadically did I pray for my own heart or for my walk with Christ.
Following this realization, I began praying throughout the day and into the night for God to allow his Holy Spirit to abide in me. That simple prayer over and over was all it took. Not only did I see a drastic change in my relationship with Christ, but it overflowed into my relationships with other people. I became gentler in my relationships because patience yielded room for deeper understanding.
The biggest difference I noticed in my relationships was that I didn't have the urge to fight every possible battle. Here's an example: My mom just asked me 10 questions in a row without giving me the chance to answer any of them. I could lose my temper because she knows this annoys me; however, she's not trying to annoy me. She's just curious. Blowing up on her would do more harm to our relationship than good. I'll just answer her questions.
It was like I finally trained my emotions to walk on a leash instead of letting them drag me all over the place and into situations I didn't want to be. Even though I was 'justified' in creating a battle, I didn't feel the need to fight it. I felt the Holy Spirit in me, pouring Jesus' grace into my heart.
I am not saying that I've got it all figured out now. I am definitely still a HUGE work in progress. But I do know this: when my priorities are in order, I maintain a growing relationship with Jesus. And as I grow in Christ, my relationships with others blossom.
